Time...

It's been one of those days, if anything could go wrong it went wrong
I know I'm feeling sorry for me, there's alot of self pity going on
Tomorrow I will be okay, the dawn will start a brand new day
I'm sure by then I'll be fine
Lord today I really need a friend
Lord I hope you understand, will you hold me while I cry

I take a lot of your time, when I should be strong
I should be standing right now, but it's you I'm leaning on
You've always kept me safe and warm, Like a child in your arms you've
Cradled me through hardships faithly
Lord its been one of those days
I've been tried in many ways
Will you hold me while I cry.

Yesterday Mariano called me and I just cried! Felt bad because he was in good spirits and he asked me what was wrong. I told him that I just wanted to put my head in his chest and just cry. I remember times when Mariano would just hold me and let me cry for whatever reason. Something to do with being a female I guess. But it does soothe the pain and feels good just to release some air even though the problems isn't fixed. I have days like that and really this week has been like that. Within a week will be 10 months into this trial and each day just gets harder! We have others in our church that are suffering and I try not wanting people to focus on my situation but for others to be for the other brothers and sisters.

The song above is the one that I was singing all the way home yesterday from work. I came so close to singing it last night but just wasn't for sure if I should or not. But now I wished I had have. But after I got home last night I asked Mariano if he had talked to Bro Ken before church last night and he said no. Of course Mariano asked why and I told that during BK's message that he mentioned about how I probably wished that I could just have Mariano hold me and what not, and I just about lost it!

The other day after Aydan got his haircut I don't know what I was doing but I remember running my hand up the back of his hand and as soon as I did it I remembered the touch of Mariano's head and realized that Aydan might have my color of hair but he has Mariano's texture.

The saints around me have not failed and neither has God. The saints have invited me over to different things so that I am just not at home and I am thankful for all that! I love my church family and glad that we are all still together throughout the storms that we have had to face down through the years.

I pray that I get a phone call soon that he is going to his appointment. I keep telling God that the All day meeting is almost a week away! Mariano's son had his parade today so I told God last night and I am telling him again that Mariano fulfilled his promise to his son that he would stay. But I have to keep trusting that God is using or going to use him is the reason why he is still over there. I think of what BK said last night in message too that Mariano went and saw Ryan before he left to say goodbye and that if he didn't see him on this side that he would see him on the other. Mariano never told me that he went and saw Ryan. I found out when Stacey testified about in church. I did ask why didn't you tell me but he didn't me to think that he was boasting or anyone think of that. I appreciate him for that! But when BK said last night that maybe Ryan knew something that we didn't - please I pray Ryan tell! I do miss him! I miss the companionship that we had whether it was at home or out in about. I do also miss holding adult conversations in my house and I do love Aydan but you know sometimes....then I miss having someone to help with all the chores that need to be done in and out side of the house! I miss our arguments and then the make up times that we had. But I think of Sis Boone and try not to complain because her memories are gone and they aren't coming back. Where as for me they are still attainable. But God you know how I feel....I don't need to remind you but I sure would appreciate it if he was in the US of A.

Labor Day

Well today is supposed to be a work fee day so to speak. But I have got so much to do!!!! Dad's riding lawn mower had a barren to go out and then the push mower has a problem getting fired up! So we haven't mowed like in 2 weeks!!! Looks like a jungle! So Mariano and I have decided to purchase a push mower. We need one anyways and with Dad buying this extra land we will need it anyways. So all he tells me is to go buy a good one! Alright! I can do! So we will see. Need to take Aydan to get a hair cut today, finishing cleaning the house, finish the laundry from the weekend!!! And Faith is right, September is going to be a busy month!!!