He will carry me

And even though I'm walking through the valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of him
whose love will comfort me
and when all hope is gone and I've been wounded in the battle
he is all the strength that i will ever need
he will carry me

That is the song that I have been singing the past couple of days. I particularly do not like being around depressed people and it sometimes gets on my nerves. I have never really been depressed and when I do get sad I usually get up and do something. However I know that we have to let our stress out because we can't keep it all in side.
So where am I going with this.....I really don't know how much of this I can handle. I have never had a nervous break down but I feel like it could easily happen. I was talking to Mariano last Friday night. We talked for an hour and I was helpless because all he did was cry. Mariano said that he had no one to talk to there. Mariano said he missed church so much. I gave him a CD and he said he was excited because he remembers the strength that he would get from services. So he said he was feeling low and got the CD out. He started listening and he said he just knew he would get strength and encouragement from it. However, wherever my luggage went when it got lost, I guess it scratched the CD because he couldn't tell anything not even who was singing. So Mariano said he just cried more. Mariano said that he reads his bible but he just feels like he has been cut off. Mariano was questioning if he had done the right thing or not or should he just stayed and hoped that they would legalize him. So I am crying on the phone too because I know exactly what he is saying. I asked him if he ever felt like finding a field or a place in the woods where no one was around and just scream til our voice was gone. He laughed and said yes. I have felt like that several times!!!! But you know I have the song up above several times and sung along but never knew what I was singing till last week. But I think that was God's planning. Yea, our battle looks dim and moving to Guatemala is not out of the picture totally. I have never felt like God would never have me move there. I don't want to think that but we still have to think of that option and yes it would kill me. But I didn't the words to give to Mariano Friday night other than to just cry with him. But Saturday I got up and was singing this song again and knew that I had to remember the what God has done in the past. God allowed mini-victories in this long trial and that there were several times that Mariano could have gotten departed. We have to think on those things. The song goes on to say that He never said it would be easy, But he said he would see me through the storm.
Sometimes when I go through trials I wonder how does God know what we are really feeling or did Jesus go through a trial similar to mine so that he could talk to God? But Bro Ken prayed with me one Sunday morning, I think last Sunday morning, but he said that Jesus knew what separation was because he suffered it being away from God. Although father and son vs. husband and wife, the relationship is different but he can relate to it.
Mariano and I both agreed that the last trip was good to see each other because we had changed and I do feel like it was needed, however the strength that we had to carry us through before that, we are having a hard time finding it. Even though we know where it is and we are continuing to seek it, it is has been a hard two weeks. Mariano's work is slow so he has a lot on his mind and has time to think. He said that there has been several times that he has just cried and his nephew who sometimes stays there with him, just comes over and gives him a hug.
I am so ready for this trial to end.....I said jokingly to Mariano, that if I know what I knew now that I probably would not have given him a second chance when we were dating. Mariano and I did split up. Surprisingly we both fell for each other on the rebound then split up then realized that we did actually love one another. But did I ever know what was ahead of me......but it is in God' planning.......

Why?????

I often find myself asking that question several times. Today I am asking that question to my lawyer who seems to be ignoring me!!! I guess that it would not make me so mad if I hadn't paid any money but considering that I have some money tied up.....but how long does it take to approve a statement on when Mariano entered and existed the country???? It has been on her desk since Monday morning, you would think that she could have looked at it then. I guess we will just have to keep praying!!! It would be different if it was her husband!!!

VBS seems to be going good. Sometimes it is hard to communicate with the older kids because they are getting older and feel like sometimes that we ask them to do stupid things. But I remember that age too. But the only problem that I have is getting out of the way and letting Hannah take more part in it. I am going to try getting out of the way because we are there to work together and believe it or not I don't always like being in control. Most of the time yes but then you get a bad name for yourself when it comes to working with other people.

Need to make a menu for Sunday. Have no idea what to do about that!!!! I just hope we have enough food. I think I am going to ask everyone to just take their dish home and wash it their selves so we can all go home and rest between services. Bad idea???

Catching up again!!!

I thought that I would blog about our trip to Guatemala briefly:

Thursday

• couldn't go to bed until midnight
• woke up at 2:00 excited but wasn't supposed to get up til 3
• 3:15 we are packing the car, go out Scott's, HE IS STILL IN THE BED!?!?!
• Got him up and got packed so we are already 15-20 minutes late but we think we will be good on the time....WRONG
• got to the airport and I think half of East NC decided to fly Delta that day. Got there and there was a long line, stood in line, got to the Kiosk and it wouldn't take our passports because I didn't put the middle initial on the tickets and our passports called out the middle initial - was never a problem before so why now????
• So we had to go to the "Special Service" line which was long as well. There was 2 Indian families that were going home to visit their family. They each had 4 kids and I believe everyone had 3-4 bags a piece that had to check in. The first family went by quickly and then the second had problems because their bags weighed more than 50 lbs. So they had to start unpacking and repacking. We arrived at the airport at 5:15 and got cleared from security at 6:15.
• arrive at our terminal and we are informed that there is a gate change. So we find our gate and they inform us that something went wrong with the battery and they were going to have to fly the parts in from Atlanta. Our plane that was scheduled to leave at 7:15 was now delayed til 9:45 and it could be later. Our connecting flight in Atlanta was leaving at 9:35 so we were going to miss that plane all together. Next time I will take the flight that leaves at 6:15 and take my chances. I didn't want to get up that early. Although something was wrong with that plane too that was the reason for the gate changed but they did depart like an hour later which would have been okay but no one from that plane changed tickets. So we stay in line AGAIN, so we can find out what we can do about getting to Guatemala. I just start crying. I told the Delta personnel that I HAD TO GET TO GUATEMALA!!! I began explaining why. So there was a group in front of us that were going to Guatemala and they had 11 in their party so we were going to see if they would hold the plane but Delta wouldn't because he would mess up more schedules. So we find a flight from Miami to Guatemala that had enough for both parties but we needed to find a flight to Miami. I have hope but still am crying. There are two flight to Miami, the first flight to leave at 1:00 and it had 12 seats so since the mission group was in front of us they had first choice and they took that plane. The next flight would be at 4:30 and lets hope that nothing is wrong with that plane. So from Delta we switched to US Air. So majority of Thursday we spent at Charlotte Douglas Airport. If you need to know anything about it, let me know!
• So here we are hanging out and I am getting tired so I decide to lay down. Mom and Dad and Scott are tired at this point, Aydan is too but he is to curious to find out what we are doing to be still. So I sit him on my lap and put my arms around him so that I know that he will not move. He begins to fall asleep and I wake up to my Dad putting Aydan down on my chest. He said that Aydan was dosing off and would wake up because he was falling. So I can't get comfortable so we move to the FLOOR!!! Yes I didn't care at that time. I dressed up for Mariano because he asked me too, fixed my hair so that he would look good and I just got to the point to where I said forget and however I look when he picks me up is just how I look!!! So Aydan and I are sleeping on the floor when I hear someone say, "Are you okay down there????'" It was an middle aged man from Amsterdam that was concerned because we hadn't moved. Um, hello we are sleeping can you not tell that we are breathing???? So I wake up and we have an hour long discussion while Mom, Dad and Scott are on the other end of the row talking. Somebody come and save me, Aydan was a sleep so I didn't to wake him up. So this guy, I forget his name, says that he needs to go buy his wife some perfume so he gets up and leaves and tell me that he will see me later. WHATEVER, so I turn around because I had pulled my clothes out to cover Aydan and me and there layed my underwear for everyone to see!!! So I thought is that why you were talking to me????
• We go and get lunch while Mariano calls me, I had already called him and let him know that we were going to be delayed and somehow God would get us there!!! But Mariano calls to say that the van that we had reserved, the guy that reserved the van left and didn't properly do the paperwork and the van was rented to someone else. The only large car they have is for 7 people. We need room for our luggage so we only had room for 5 people and it was going to be tight!!!! So I start calling around places, I did reinforce the fact that if I had a laptop with me that it would be easier to get a car!!! But I think that went in one ear of Mariano's and right out the other ear!
• We decide to take the 7 passenger car which I liked. It was a 2007 Hyundai. Loved it!!! Ready for one!!!! Really really want one!!!
• So here we go to Miami, have 45 minutes to meet our connected flight and neither of us has been in this airport. So I inform them that we do not have time for potty breaks when we get off to use the bathroom on the plane. Everyone does so we get off and we are walking out butts off! Not as big as Atlanta but bigger than Charlotte. Huge, we were on concourse J and had to get to Concourse E. There are no shuttle buses so we had to walk....Aydan is tired and wants to be carried! This is when I am thankful for Paw-Paw!!!
• Get to the gate and they are only 4 people in line for boarding. Everyone else has boarded!!! We have now switched to American Airlines which is having problems reading our tickets. So they just grab our tickets and tell us to get on that they will enter them in manually.
• Aydan and I are sat seperately so we have to wait for everyone to be sitted. We find two seats together and sit down. Off to Guatemala and we were all thinking, I just hope our luggage made it because we barely did!!!
• Almost landing and we are seeing lightning across the sky. Not good news considering a week to two weeks ago there was a plane crash. We land safely Thank the Lord. Pass thru immigration get to our luggage. Find Mom and Dads and waited for the rest, never showed up that night!!!! So we file a claim and go out to see Mariano. Crying again because luggage is gone and I had packed new clothes that I had purchased to show off to Mariano some that were for his eyse only!!! I had packed clothes for Aydan with his favorite pajamas. So I was dissapointed!
• Get outside and see Mariano and he is DARK!!! But the highlight of the day was having Aydan stop dead in his tracks infront of me. I walk around to see his face because I know that he has seen his daddy and he screams DADDY and takes off running. I have to pick up his little bag with his stuff in it. So I was happy..
• Stop at McDonalds for supper and head to the convent where Mariano's sister Veronica stays. Scott bites into his chicken mcnugget only to find out that it isn't cooked all the way. Mom has the same problem. We say call it a night and lets go to bed...BTW it is really hot with no air conditioner!!!!

Let's see....

I have a trip to Hickory to pick up the few things that Mariano wanted me to bring him. I purposely got Chiquita's dog food on SNO so that I wouldn't have to make another trip to Hickory. But will have to go anyways. I also need to look for Aydan a small carry on bag. One with wheels because he always likes to play with the one that I or Mom has but usually it is too big for him to push/pull. So we will do some shopping.
Then I was thinking about pulling out the credit card and getting a new outfit to wear for Mariano. I am so beefed up about seeing him. I said out loud in my cubicle for everyone around me to hear, "This time next week...." and I got several responses as to they didn't want to know!! But I will be, Lord willing with my honey!!!
So Carowinds this weekend along with church. Will have to make time for a Sunday School lesson. Bible Study on Monday and I am debating because I might need that night for packing. Tuesday choir practice and Wednesday church, Thursday GUATEMALA!!! So I had a week that things were slow at work and go figure the week before I leave, everything needs to be done!! I am at lunch now so that is why I am not working, BTW!!
But I need to get back because I am still trying to make up time from missing work for my cousin's funeral. So to those that read and don't post comments, I probably will not be blogging for quite a while. But you can still stop by and check to see if I have or not!

On the road again...just can't wait to get back on the road again

Yesiree we are going to Guatemala!!! Can't wait to see you honey! I am curious to see how Aydan will react!?!?! I asked him last night did he want to ride in the airplane because when we are outside, he doesn't miss a one that is flying over us. But his reply No! So we purchased the tickets to go, then my dad says, "Hey, did you hear about that plane from France that is missing?" Yes Dad, we all did so let's not talk about that right now!!! I am sad for the family and have been reading up on it. They have found a life jacket and a few metal debris but has pretty much ruled out that they are no survivors! How awful to be waiting at the air port for your family and have to get shuttle away so they can tell you what happened! Let' s pray for these guys.
We will be having my cousin's funeral today. They did find his suicide note. I don't know what all was said in it but I do that this family has really been through a lot of difficult times in their life!
Weed eating....for some reason I always get through half of it and the strings break off and Dad hasn't had time yet to show me how to feed them through. He bought a new one so I don't know how to work this one and something is wrong with the other one.
Still need to take some home defense action to my house. Maybe can do that this afternoon if I have time.....Oh BTW, if anyone has the burden, I will pray the Lord blesses you. But our dog has some tics on her. Big ones and little ones....and I am not about to take them off myself! So lets pray that everything goes well.

They called, They called, They called

Mariano called me today around 12:00 and he was crying but I thought that he was sick. Anyways the Immigration place called and Mariano didn't hear the phone so he checked his voice mail, called them back and.....they need more information. They have sent me a letter and the last time they sent a letter it was almost like a month before we received the letter. The sad thing is that they wouldn't tell him what information was needed over the phone. Told Mariano that he could go by the embassy and pick up a copy of the letter. So Mariano said to wait til this week and see if we get a copy and if not then he will travel to the city which is 3 hours away. He hates to ride the bus because they fly like crazy on them things. But he did ask if an answer had been made and they said no and wouldn't give a time frame on how long to wait before we hear an answer after they have received the requested information. But it is good to hear something and we cried because it will be longer than 6 months. I was wrong about Mariano coming in April/May so I felt like it would be longer than 6 months now. But I was hoping that since I was wrong the first time that I would be wrong with that one too!!! But as my sister in law said, any news is good news at this time!!!
Well I know that most people know about it but one of these days I am going to print all of my blogs and have them in a book to go back and look at so I try posting mile markers so to speak. But Saturday night Aydan asked to sleep in his bed by himself! I was shocked, scared and sad all at one time. I was okay with the naps but the bed seemed awful big by myself. But I left him a night light and he stayed in there all night long. I actually left my night light on til 12:30 or so because I thought that I would get scared it I heard something running through the house. But he woke me up at 7 and I think because the curtains don't cover the blinds all the way like our curtains do. So I will have fix that! But I told him that we could sleep a little bit longer and then we could get up. He went back to sleep on his own and I had to wake him up.
So last night I rented Mall Cop because the previews looked funny. It was okay but not hilarious like I thought that it would be. So I stayed up last night watching the movie and Aydan fell asleep on the couch so I took him to bed with me. I am not ready for him to be out of my bed but I am telling myself that I just need to be a good mommy and give him his space because it could be the other way around. I told God that if Aydan was moving out of the bed that he was going to have to bring one of my boys back because I don't like sleeping by myself!!!
Work has picked up! Thank you Lord! We won a year's contract from one of our customers! I was happy with that. There was one week when it was like I was looking for something to keep my busy. Although they have cut out overtime, I still am working 40 hours!!!
A few things on my to do list that I hope to accomplish this week::
1) clean Aydan's high chair and store away til needed
2) clean the Diaper Genie, trust me you don't want to know the full story although I think I have blogged about that before
3) I have cleaned Aydan's winter clothes out but they need to go in the tub which I bought Saturday
4) clean the bathrooms
5) Take some 'Home Defense" spray and get rid of the ants and PINCHER BUGS!!!
6) Figure out how my water hose is suppose to go on the wheel that I bought so that it isn't all over the grown
7) and last, WEED EAT!!! Last time I weedeated or should I say the first time that I weedeated I thought after I was done that my arm was going to fall off! The thing isn't that heavy but I weedeated an embankment and the rest of the property and that was enough!!
8) Start looking for a babysitter for when Mom and Dad go on vacation because I don't think that Mariano will be back then!

So lets see how long this will take to get done!